KOZLOWSKI: Dating fatigue is exhausting
It has come to be that time again when cheery couples walk around Fifth Avenue in Hallmark movies and no one can go outside without seeing mistletoe strung up in every home. Many might consider this time of year the most romantic, while others may find it absolutely miserable and hopeless.
The younger generations have undergone a pandemic of dating fatigue where finding genuine relationships and "love" has become exceedingly difficult. This is a result of the quick dating culture that revolves around dating apps, high expectations and several interpretations of what a relationship should look like.
Dating apps were once useful and promising tools for discovering genuine connections but have now become a main source of dating burnout. To put it into perspective, the consistent swiping of romantic interests has tired out the masses, making the act of finding that desired valuable connection seemingly hopeless.
More and more people are struggling with the concept of love itself, questioning if it even exists. This can lead to an even more toxic perspective because more people are willing to settle rather than continue the hunt. People are ultimately accepting the mindset that it is better to be with someone comfortable than it is to be alone.
The consequences of dating fatigue lead to many relationship failures along with a degree of self-disrespect where people feel they have to accept less than what they want. Hitting countless dead ends despite a mass supply of potential options in romantic partners forces people to settle for the best choice out of the bunch. This person likely does not fit their initial primary desires in a partner.
A match that is not made wholeheartedly is more than likely to end in several tragic ways. Self-respect diminishes as people find themselves accepting the bare minimum. Social media and dating apps have created a platform where sifting for the right person is physically easier but emotionally strenuous.
Love presented in history and media is significantly romanticized because acts of courtship are expected and deemed protocol in those settings. In present times, given the prominent use of social media to form connections, romantic gestures are not what they were and can be considered very superficial and cheap.
Social media is not the only promotion of this common dating phenomenon. Romance in songs and films heavily contributes to these toxic standards set for relationships. Consumers of film and music idolize the romance displayed in the media they watch and listen to, developing unrealistic expectations of romance for themselves as they aim for something that is not achievable.
With how easy it can be to find an online match, people go through talking stages very often. "Rosters" are now needed to maintain morale. The minute a person of interest does not work out, it is on to the next. This has become a defense mechanism to preserve ego and potentially compromised emotions.
Generations now find it difficult to deal with rejection, so as a quick solution, they jump into a new situation before the consequences can register emotionally. In short, no genuine emotional connections are formed because people are not allowing themselves to feel it.
There is a toxic mentality that plagues our society where people are struggling to find happiness within themselves and, therefore, with other people. The poisonous habit of jumping from one person to another creates a pattern of disappointment and letdown along with the inability to be independent.
There is a popular theme in psychology about finding love, where a crucial step is loving yourself before others. This is stressful because if you lack understanding of yourself, you will likely not be able to find it in someone else.
Many people view relationships as the source of their happiness, which not only puts pressure on the other person but also jeopardizes personal happiness as it is placed in the hands of someone else. We cannot control each other, so it is the perfect recipe for disaster when these emotions are misplaced.
When people say "looking for love in all the wrong places," I think it is because the place is not in another person but within yourself. While it may sound like something said to simply comfort someone in need, it holds a lot of value.
Finding the right person rests with the happiness and understanding you have for yourself. Logically, you can never find a genuine connection if you are unsure of what that looks like for you. It would be like searching for a needle in a haystack with the lights off.
While the holidays may seem hopeless or like a cruel joke, they are the perfect and ultimate time to find love. But this love is found within yourself. Through practices of self-love and care, collectively we can slowly pull ourselves out of the stagnant dating slump.
Alexis Kozlowski is a first-year in the School of Arts and Sciences majoring in English and minoring in film. Kozlowski’s column, “From a Scarlet Heart,” runs on alternate Thursdays.
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